From the Military to Matchmaking
When @ENMmatchmaker first heard the word “swinging” as a teenager, it didn’t sound taboo. It sounded like freedom. The idea that you could be married, explore sex with others, and still come home to your partner? That was thrilling. Years later, it would become her life’s calling... both personally and professionally.
Now the founder and president of Birds of Feather Matchmaking, Victoria helps others find connection in ethically non-monogamous spaces. And by her side? Ryan... her husband, her matchmaker partner, and her favorite Mario to her Peach.
Their love story is full of mischief, deep connection, and a shared commitment to growth.
How It All Started: From Go-Karts to Group Play
They met at a house party through mutual friends. Days later, they were racing go-karts dressed as Mario and Peach. It was fun, flirtatious, and instantly magnetic.
From the beginning, their chemistry was open-minded. Their second sexual experience together? A threesome with a woman in an open marriage. That night planted the seed for what would grow into a shared lifestyle journey.
While Victoria was deployed in the military, they stayed connected by writing eroticas back and forth. Stories of swinging, sensual discovery, and shared fantasies. When they reunited, they didn’t just pick up where they left off... they launched.
Diving In: Their Lifestyle Journey Begins
Their official entry into the lifestyle began in San Diego. Rope-tying workshops, poly meetups, and social events became their playgrounds. “These are our people,” they remember thinking.
Eight years later, they’ve cultivated a deep rhythm... together and with others.
They started with light boundaries like, “We won’t sleep with the same couple twice.” But those quickly gave way to something more real: open conversations, shared expectations, and the kind of communication that doesn’t require code words anymore.
Now they rely on subtle energy shifts, facial expressions, and small rituals like grabbing water to check in.
###The Power of Compersion and Group Energy
Victoria lights up when she talks about compersion (the joy of watching Ryan give pleasure to someone else.) It’s become her favorite part of the lifestyle.
And for Ryan, he’s found peace in knowing how deeply attuned they are. “I can read her face,” he says, “I know when she’s in or when she’s out.”
They prefer full group synergy when it comes to play... mutual enthusiasm is a must. But they’re flexible, too. If one is vibing and the other isn’t, they respect that. Sometimes they play separately under the same roof. Sometimes not at all. Either way, they stay in sync.
Communication Is Their Superpower
They don’t fight... not in public, and not at home.
They’re intentional about maintaining emotional safety, especially in social spaces. “If we feel something, we don’t blow up. We talk at the end of the night,” Victoria says.
They created their own “yes/no/maybe” list early in their journey to understand each other’s boundaries and desires. Now, Victoria uses a refined version of that activity with her matchmaking clients to help them open their own relationships with care and clarity.
Sexual Style: Confidence, Consent, and Connection
Victoria and Ryan are extroverts. They don’t wait for magic to happen... they go make it.
If they see a couple they like, they say so: “You guys are a great look. Maybe we’ll talk more later.” Then they give space, let the night flow, and reconnect if the energy is still there.
They value shared enthusiasm more than anything. “We’re not interested in people who aren’t excited,” they say. “That tells us everything.”
They’ve done group play, solo play under the same roof, and more intimate one-on-one dynamics, always based on mutual trust and clear consent.
Matchmaking With a Mission
After leaving the military, Victoria earned her MBA and decided to do something bold... become the first certified matchmaker in the U.S. focused on ethical non-monogamy.
What started with an idea during their honeymoon in Iceland became a full-blown mission: normalize open relationships, help people connect authentically, and elevate the entire lifestyle space.
Her process is comprehensive. She screens for emotional maturity, ethical grounding, and real compatibility. She teaches people how to present themselves with respect ... not desperation. And she doesn’t shy away from hard truths.
Meanwhile, Ryan helps coach men who struggle with first impressions, weak bios, or poor dating habits. Together, they offer everything from image consulting to wingman services to practice dates.
Their goal? To build real love and real community, not just hookups.
Observations About the Lifestyle
Victoria and Ryan are vocal about what works and what doesn’t.
They’ve seen parties where people get sloppy, selfish, or unsafe... and they want better. “Don’t show up drunk. Don’t be that guy. Prioritize your partner’s comfort. Learn how to have a conversation.”
They believe that most men misunderstand what lifestyle women actually want... it’s not just sex. It’s presence. Intelligence. Consideration.
They hope to create vetting and onboarding systems to help men learn how to engage better, especially single men who often feel lost or rejected.
Biggest Lessons They’ve Learned
Communication is everything... but so is emotional safety.
The lifestyle is not for fixing broken relationships. It’s for expanding solid ones.
You should always move at the pace of the slower partner.
Curiosity is good. Expectation is not.
Date each other, even while dating others.
Future Vision: Bigger, Safer, Smarter
They plan to niche down even further, creating tools for different ENM styles and improving coaching for men.
They want to expand their event presence in cities like Chicago, New York, and beyond... helping people connect in safe, vibrant, educated ways.
They believe that with the right mindset, ethical non-monogamy can be a force for healing, truth, and deeper connection.
As Victoria says:
“We’re not just helping people date. We’re helping them grow.”
And for couples like them, growth is the sexiest thing of all.
